Heartbroken/Goodbye

How could you? How could you lie to me? How could you deceive me? How could you say you love me and hurt me so bad? Didn’t you see my love for you? I was there. I was there when you had nobody. I was there through it all. Yeah, you hurt me with your actions and I hurt you with my words. I apologized and was willing to fix it but you said no. You said no while I said yes to all your mess. Everybody told me no, but I was too blind to see. Love I thought… everybody deserves love. Yet again, funny how your first response every time things went wrong was to entertain other girls. I was never good enough for you. Yet again you’ll never be enough for the wrong one. So, yes blame it all on me and act like you’re flawless. Whole time I gave more than I received. I gave until I had nothing else for you to take… ironically that’s when you left. When you no longer needed me, you left. You used me to fill a void and when I no longer could supply your need, you left. Promises that only led to brokenness. 

Maybe I was insecure? Too good to be true I thought? Oh boy… am I crazy? But No. Truth is I was right. How did you love me enough to watch me hurt? You couldn’t even give me a helping hand. All the support I gave you and you couldn’t even tell me everything was going to be okay. Yeah you handled my body but you couldn’t handle my soul. My mind was the one aching for relief but there was nothing you could teach me. You’re so stuck in your ways. So busy impressing your friends. The streets will never love you like I did. How could you go back to the place I fought so hard for us to get out of? Sucks you couldn’t see what you needed was always right in front of you. I waited and waited … years passed and your actions remained the same. People change for who they want to. You tried to play me but only ended up playing yourself. I found God and myself. So, how exactly did I lose anything? You claimed you changed but you’re back to him again? “Don’t blame a clown for acting like a clown, blame yourself for going to the circus.” 

For what value does money and material possessions bring when you’re broken deep inside. You took my love for granted. Seduced me with your words and deceived me with your lies. You randomly texted things like “wyd” or “I love you” just to keep me around for when you decided to come back. You thought I was going to wait for you to see your options and come back to me? No, I’m good. You wanted me to be your peace while you took my peace. How was I supposed to give you something I no longer had? The demand was higher than the supply because you didn’t take the time to restock your shelves. Funny part was when my guard went down you threw me to the ground. You were so inconsistent. All I ever asked from you was to match my efforts. I never wanted money or materialistic things. I just wanted you to put me first. You never cared, you always chose your friends and everything else. How was it so hard to give me things that are free? Love, time, attention, respect and honesty. 

You broke my trust and got mad at me. I forgave you even though you were never sorry. You were sorry you got caught, but you were never sorry. Selfishly thinking with your d*** instead of your brain. Therefore, exactly how did you love me? My intentions were pure from the start, meanwhile I ignored all the red flags. I came down from my shelf for you but I’m going back up now. Your manipulation felt like love. Wow, no wonder we couldn’t be, I was just too blind to see. I was always so understanding, but you never understood me. I understood you worked and was tired but what about me? You didn’t care to help me around the house or with the kid. I had to take care of you, him and me. Couldn’t take me out on dates, just these four walls, nothing new to see. I felt alone in the relationship, I would have preferred it to just be me. No was the response everytime I asked you to do something with me. Meanwhile, your friends would say come on and you would just leave. Never listened to me but if someone else said it you would agree. Go on now be free in reality this is how it’s supposed to be. I don’t know why you waited so long you always knew it was never me. 

Thank you for teaching me how to love myself again, all the pain was worth it. This was a life lesson. You say you don’t ever want to love again but I want to love now more than ever. I got to be better, not bitter boo. I love you … goodbye to you. Goodbye to all your lies. Goodbye to all the hurt. Goodbye to all the pain.

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