Feel me First

Those that have put me last, are going to be the ones to feel me first. Everybody in my life has tossed me to the side and doubted me. The first people to count me out was my family. Aren’t these the people who are supposed to protect and love you?… Well yeah not in my story. I remember when I was a kid my aunts and cousins would bully me because I was very dark. Imagine that bullying a child in elementary school that doesn’t even know how bad the world is about to break her. The cursing, slander, and abuse to kids in their childhood is how trauma builds up that they drag unto adulthood. This is why we have to do better as parents to raise our kids right. So, when they are older they are not walking around projecting their trauma and insecurities unto others. This lockdown showed me almost everybody in the world needs healing. The world is so messed up, people would rather be toxic for their whole life than to confront themselves and heal. Instead of growing into the best version of themselves, a lot of people are just settling.

Settling just to die along someone instead of living your best life along someone. Settling for jobs that don’t make them happy. Settling for a lifestyle they never wanted. Settling, settling, settling…. Just by the way I got treated when I was young I learned how I want to treat my kids. Just by looking at my family and how messed up they are, I learned what love and compassion is. I don’t need many lessons in life to learn things, I can learn certain things through the lives of others. Not saying God will not discipline me when I need it. The lessons we face in life is what builds us so we can proclaim our testimonies. (Testimony- sharing where your life and God’s action have intersected) God intended for us to share our testimonies with one another. Not so we can use it against each other, but to learn from each other. Yet, people would rather hide and bury their fears, shame, pain, etc and let it tear them down instead of releasing so that you can heal. I know people do this because they are scared of “what others might think.” Honestly, who cares what anybody thinks? The only judge in this whole universe is God.

God didn’t create us to be of the world, God chose us from this world. We don’t belong to the world therefore we should not get attached to anything in it. We were formed from dust and when we leave this world we will go back to being dust. Be kind to one another because God can use the least likely person to bless you. Even though many counted me out, God never turned His back on me. Whatever door God opens nobody can close and whatever door He shuts nobody can open. Thanks to Jesus I am saved and coming back better than ever. I’m coming for everything they said I couldn’t have. I’m going to be living a lifestyle I have never seen anybody around me live. Just know when I get to where God envisions for me, He did that. I do not take credit for anything that goes on in my life. I’m just His servant/disciple and He is using me in whatever form He wants. Through me God’s Will, will come to fruition. I cannot hate the experiences that made me. Understand God will never try to harm us. He will bless us or the lessons we receive will be used all for our good. Either way we are in a win win situation.