.Lesson Learned.

Summer 2017 was when everything went wrong for me. I met the father of my son in July. If I knew then what I know now.. uhhh I wouldn’t have dared entertained anything. Yet again I’m grateful it happened this way because it led me to my Father God. I also learned a lot about myself and how I do and do not want to be treated. I don’t ever want to chase or beg for someone’s love ever again. I can’t help to think I would have already been at my destination if I wouldn’t have taken many detours throughout my life. Like, what have I been doing with my life… I have so many dreams and goals but I was so busy chasing a dude that never really loved me. He was too busy being for the world: trying to impress everyone and one girl never satisfied him. I was with him through the worst. He started making some money and started treating me bogus. Like I was dumb dumb dumb dumb over this dude. Imagine a table and two people both bringing and putting the same things on the table to reciprocate each other’s efforts. Now in my case I brought the table, the tablecloth, the plates, the cups, the utensils, the napkins, cooked the food, and brought it to the table. So In reality I was the only one fighting for this or wanting this. That’s why I’m not really mad because I know I made the relationship better and when I left I took my table so I didn’t lose anything. If anything I have my peace and sanity back… I was pouring from my full cup to his empty cup until he drained me out and took my juice. Since the beginning it just was not coming together. I spent 3 years confused, my anxiety and thoughts were so overwhelming and I got depressed while being pregnant because he cheated on me… I just couldn’t function properly anymore. As a result I became full of anger and resentment because I just couldn’t believe he would do me like that. Therefore I was walking around dead, just antisocial and Mean. I admit I was very mean to him and said hurtful things but it is what it is, I can’t change the past and God already forgave me for my sins. I was blind and it took me a while to see clearly who I was but God said to me one day in September/2019 take back what is yours and I did. I didn’t fully understand what was going on. In April/2020 I see exactly what God did here… Our God is a jealous God and I was treating this dude like my idol. I had to choose and I chose JESUS. Truth is I didn’t know my destiny or who I was meant to become therefore I wasn’t really looking for the right or necessary things in a relationship or in life. But now that I know who I am, and Whose I am (Jesus) I wouldn’t ever put myself in a predicament like that again. He’s not a bad person and I’m so grateful he donated his sperm and gave me my most beautiful creation: my son, Adonis. However I don’t wish any bad on him or anyone that has hurt me or hates me, may God bless everybody like He blesses me. At the end of the day my intentions were pure and He wanted a lifestyle I didn’t. I want God, he wants fame. I learned to love myself even more. I learned you can look good and say all the right things but not really have anything but potential to Offer. I learned you have to set boundaries for yourself because people are just foul. I fell in love with potential when I should have fell in love with actions. I guess that’s what I get for always trying to see the good in people. My self worth went up to a 1000 and I’m not coming down from my shelf for anybody again. I’m the prize. My advice is to seek God and He will give you everything you want in life.. “Seek your happiness in the Lord and he will give you your heart’s desire” (Psalms 37:4) Pray and ask for His guidance because without him anything you set out to do will fail. Follow God to your destiny and He will send you the right person when He believes you need one. Relationships shouldn’t even matter until you have a foundation set for yourself to build upon because you would not know what you want in life until you discover yourself first. Nowadays People just walk around with all this pain and would rather keep hurting others instead of dealing with their own issues and traumas so they can heal and project love unto others instead. Jesus is a healer and I couldn’t have gotten out of this toxic relationship without him. I had my own issues to deal with but I let others’ toxicity project onto mine. But since our God is a merciful God he gave me another chance because that was not me. I felt embarrassed with the things I chose to settle for when I know that I always deserved better. I had to do my soul work, I had to start healing in order to come to myself and realize I was never asking for too much… it was just too much for someone that didn’t know how to love me the right way.. The Lord had to teach me a lesson… thank you Father I don’t know where I would have ended up, you saved my life. This experience made me want to love now more than ever and to live life to my fullest…