When I Left

When I left California to come back to Pennsylvania, I was devastated. The reason I left was because on Mother’s Day weekend I found a pack of condoms in a bag that the father of my son owns. Crazy part was that we were not having any intimate relations so it couldn’t be for us. I found them on a Friday and that Friday night He slept over somebody else’s house. When Sunday morning came along on Mother’s Day I couldn’t take it anymore and brought a flight to leave that same night. I packed my stuff, took my son and left. I’ve been gone for two months now and the father of my son doesn’t care enough to change for us. He came down to Pennsylvania two weeks after I left him and it was to goof around and have fun… He didn’t even care to get his family back. All the times I asked him to go on vacation or travel he never made time. But when it comes to his needs he wouldn’t care going out his way. He’s a narcissist and all he did was gaslight me. A narcissist is a person who has an excessive interest in or admiration of themselves. Gaslighting is a form of psychological manipulation in which a person or a group covertly sows seeds of doubt in a targeted individual or group, making them question their own memory, perception, or judgment, often evoking in them cognitive dissonance and other changes including low self-esteem. 

After I got pregnant, he cheated and I didn’t realize I was depressed but he made me feel like I was crazy for being hurt. He would tell me to get over it but wouldn’t do anything new to get my mind off of it. I was always stuck home with my son 24/7, 7 days a week, while he did whatever he wanted. He wouldn’t help around the house or help me with my son. I lived a whole year in California and we didn’t do anything, not even go to a beach, to Los Angeles, etc. But when it came down to his friends he was down for whatever. He went to LA with his friends and got to explore Cali. He made new friends and had a life but I didn’t. Funny part was that he didn’t care though. I admit I said things I shouldn’t have but because I loved him I couldn’t hurt him with actions. Yet, he didn’t care to hurt me every chance he got. His words were bittersweet, but his actions showed me exactly who he was. He’s too busy being for the world and trying to impress everyone. Hoes still excited him and he always put us last. But it’s okay though because in the end I’ll win, I don’t have to do him like he did me. God has my back and because I endured this storm I know there’s something greater waiting for me. I’m just a regular person but I get my strength from God. “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.” (Philippians 4:13)

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